Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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