Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
