So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
