oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
