yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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