What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
