You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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