my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
