I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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