Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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