new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
