Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
