Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just had sex on a roof
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
