If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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