Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
