do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
