We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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