she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
