I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
