Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
