It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
