I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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