Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You can't special order awesome
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
