I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
