there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
