At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
