i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
