It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
