I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
