You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Vodka?
Forever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
