I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
