we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
