So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm getting married
To pizza
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
