dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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