What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize