This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
