Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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