You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
