She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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