Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
