got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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