she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
