stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
