fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
