The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
