In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
