I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
