Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
