R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
