You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
