God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would fuck him just for his dog
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
