The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
