apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
