I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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