his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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