i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
