What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
