He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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