Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
