I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize