and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
