i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
