Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
