Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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