Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
