I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
