Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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