haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
