Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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