the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
