We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
