So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
