Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
